The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
