maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
