I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
