Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
