Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
