True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
