It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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