Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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