just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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