you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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