I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
should my penis look like a turkey
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
