the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
