I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
