Umm I'm too high to move.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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