just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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