so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
