p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
