ya dads aren't the best wingmen
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
