I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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