ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
