If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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