I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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