he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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