I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Randomize
