Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
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Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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