Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
