btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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