who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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