Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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