Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
