Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
