If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
