There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
