I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
