dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
