I'm really into asian looking animals
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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