yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
