My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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