Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
