I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
