Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
