He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
