I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
