note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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