***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
