if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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