You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize