Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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