Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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