He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
