alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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