There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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