I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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