Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
