i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
