those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
