home. puking in laundry basket.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
