i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
