don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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