I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
