My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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