Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
