mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
