I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
