got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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