Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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