I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
