Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
