dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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