Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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