Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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